Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Usually manifesting itself in overworked, underappreciated laborers
shortly before the onset of a "postal" episode, wherein the
afforementioned worker will have an unforeseen, suprisingly volitile,
emotionally-driven outburst. It has been hypothesised that the worker
will attempt to conceal their feelings, perhaps indicated by the instinct
to wear army-surplus camoflage clothing, thereby "disguising"
While the habitual donning of hunters hats and other non-military camoflage
gear may seem to indicate the onset of chronic fatigue syndrome, it
does not. This is a completely different kind of medical condition known
as "Red-neck." Scientific studies have confirmed that only
military apparel is indicative of a subject suffering from chronic fatigue
When confronted with the necessity of dealing with someone who consistently
wears army-surplus gear, ask yourself a few simple questions to determine
whether they are a threat to you and/or your workplace:
Conclusion / Action
subject respond to a salute?
||CAUTION! Unless you work
on a military base, subject most likely either is military member
assigned to recruit new members, or is in the final stages of chronic
fatigue syndrome. EDGE AWAY SLOWLY.
|Does not return salute
||DANGER! Subject is either
disgruntled worker or poorly trained military. RUN AWAY!
exhibit contra-indication of "Red-neck" symptoms?
||Yes, wears hunters hat with ear flaps, drives
||CAUTION! Subject may be
highly volitle and in possession of a rifle, avoid mentioning any
sports tems or preference of beer brands.
|No, carries grenades, wears dog-tags.
||DANGER! Who the hell wears
grenades in public? RUN FAR, FAR AWAY.
exhibited symptoms such as listlessness, poor dietary habits, and
anger / disgust during company meetings?
||No, subject appears
||Attempt to ascertain whether
the subject has simply run out of laundry. Occasionally symptoms
of chronic fatigue syndrome may actually be byproducts of a busy
|Yes, subject seems
disgruntled and / or unhappy.
||This describes the majority
of the workforce in North America. Cross-reference with other questions
to ascertain danger level.
|These questions are
to be used as a diagnostic tool only. Any attempt to confront, alter,
or otherwise interfere with a subject suffering from chronic fatigue
syndrome is ill-advised and risky.
is so very, very tired.
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